it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
