I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
