alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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