This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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