i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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