Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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