Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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