I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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