hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
