I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize