"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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