Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
