Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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