planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
