no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Holy sore nipples Batman
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
