I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
