we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
