no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
