we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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