You smell like a Billy Joel song
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
