i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are the jesus of drinking
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
