She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
