I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
