you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
