So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
