I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
