i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We have started to decorate penises.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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