I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
