ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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