In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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