party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
