Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
