guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
