ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
