I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
