Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
