i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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