Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
