I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
