so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
