But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
