I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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