we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
