Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
