What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
