Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
