I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
