Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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