Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
