Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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