Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
