3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
did i just pee glitter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
