my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
