i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
