is your mom at the bar?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
