so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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