: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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