Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize