Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
