put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
