Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
