He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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