You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
