She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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