She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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