batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize