i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
