I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
