I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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