hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
