Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
