i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mom said you looked used
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
