too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize