I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
