Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
