Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
