It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
