If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
