clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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