I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
