I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize