Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
