Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
