You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize