the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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