Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
