a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize