can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
