My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
