If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
