yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize