Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
