He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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