Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize