You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
