her vagine was all disorganized.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize