There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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