i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
