I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
