yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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