i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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